Waiting hurts

There are some days when waiting is especially hard.  When thinking of your dreams reduces you to tears and even tackling life one day at a time seems too much to ask.  Today is one of those days.  Today my heart is aching, as I ask when?  When God?   

The song below has helped me through so much pain and hurt in the past that I find it amazing it can still speak to me in new ways. But as I listened to it today God spoke, and I realised what I needed more than anything was to know that God sees, and God knows.  And He does.  He sees my pain and He knows it hurts. 

Heaven Rejoices by Lex Buckley

I know that you have waited
So, so faithfully
I know that it's been painful
But I want you to know

You are so pure, so precious, so lovely
You have been crowned with immeasurable beauty
Heaven rejoices the moment you rise each day

So I sing over you
A song of joy
Let the sun shine on your face
I bring new life
And heal your wounds

Do you know I love you?
Do you know I love you?

I know that it may seem like
The storm will never cease
But know that I am
Trust my sovereignty

I know my ways are hard to understand
But my plan is greater 
Than you can imagine
Through all the darkness
I've never left your side

Do you know I love you?
Do you know I love you?

There is strength for today
And bright hope for tomorrow.

A treasured friend directed me to Lamentations today and in there I found hope.  I see another man who is surrounded by sadness and doesn’t hold back in his cries.  But in the middle of it He chooses to shift his focus onto God, and in Chapter 3:21-24 we read:

²¹ Yet this I call to mind 
   and therefore I have hope:

²² Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, 
   for his compassions never fail. 
²³ They are new every morning; 
   great is your faithfulness. 
²⁴ I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; 
   therefore I will wait for him.”

As great as my pain is, it will not consume me, God’s love will never allow that.  It will never be too much and I will never be abandoned into it.  Sometimes we need to choose to look to God instead of our pain.  It doesn’t mean ignoring it (goodness knows that is impossible), but it just restores some perspective.  Here I am reminded that although I don’t feel like I can face tomorrow, I have new compassion waiting for me when I wake up.  And as much as my heart aches for my dream, ultimately the Lord is my portion, and I WILL wait for Him.  It still hurts, but I have hope.